I have been just so overwhelmed lately. You know how it can be.
Overwhelmed by chasing after an enthusiastic toddler and breaking up toddler antics, keeping a house clean, food cooked, clothes washed, animals fed, bins empty, nappies changed, petrol in the car, food in the trolley, emails to phone companies, phone calls to pay tolls, high chairs clean, cupboards child proofed, books back to the library, everyone happy.
Wondering constantly. Am I doing everything right? Why does my child do that and theirs doesn't? How will we afford that? What did she mean when she said that?
I have been so overwhelmed that I just need to leave friends and come home, so that the smallest things bring a lump to my throat and a tear to my eyes, so that I am just waiting for my little boy to have a nap so I can take refuge in some alone time, some quite time, some time to think time. And I think, this parenting thing is so hard. How do women have two, three, four babies and cope? Is it just me?
And then a friend of a friend says something to me and I chat to my Dr, and I find out.
It's not just being a mother. It's not lack of sleep. It's not nursing. It's not just trying to find balance, stay in control, clean during naps, hang clothes out and it rains. It's not just that. It's me, but it's my body. It's my thyroid.
It, like everything else in my life, seems to have sped up since becoming a parent.
But, unlike everything else, it can be diagnosed with blood tests and ultrasounds. Can be put on paper, can be discussed rationally, can wait wait wait to see a specialist and be treated.
I do get overwhelmed and yet I am so very happy. I am so very in love with my boys, my family, my life. I cherish being able to be such a huge part of my sons life.
And today friends visited, toddlers slept, the sun was out, the house was clean, the pantry is full and I am feeling optimistic, I know I can handle it if I feel overwhelmed again.
And I have a specialist appointment next month.